A Backup Plan May Not Be a Bad Thing

Grade school can be one of the most important of all of life’s learning experiences, especially when they revolve around the game of love. Most guys go through their first crush around this time and it does not always go well. When I had my first crush, I dreamed for months of kissing her. She was my friend but I was so overcome with my feelings for her that she never became less than perfect. Finally, I wrote her a letter professing my love for her. The next day, she crushed me. I was so destroyed that it was two years before I thought of trying again. I was so traumatized that I even turned down a girl who asked ME out a year later. However, as painful as this was, I did learn a very important lesson. You cannot put all of your eggs in one basket and a backup plan may not be a bad thing.

However, this does not mean you should cheat on anyone, avoid commitment or any other awful things you may pick up from that. It only means that if you are not in a serious relationship, you should keep your options open. In looking at that a bit deeper, consider that you never learned the right lessons, and you keep focusing on one woman at a time. Why is that a bad idea?

First of all, you are cutting yourself off from all of the women you could be meeting. These other women you aren’t meeting might just be better than the one you’ve targeted for so long. They all go right down the tubes. Chances are good that by the time you have decided what you are going to do with your current crush, you will have lost out on all those other women you could have had. Sadly, you won’t get a second chance with them.

Second, you stagnate. If you aren’t out trying to attract women, your skill at it goes by the wayside. It takes a lot of practice to master that particular skill and, if you stop practicing, you just may lose your talent. Fixating on one woman will cut down on a LOT of that practice.

Last, and most importantly, fixation is NOT attractive and you will probably scare her off. This is why crushes don’t usually work out.

Now, if you still think you want to pursue one woman at a time, you cannot behave as if she is the ONLY one. That is one of the worst things you can do. It’s stalker territory. That is about as unattractive as it gets. Not to mention that most people want what they cannot have. The reason that people play hard to get is because it is effective.

A lot of people imagine that men are screwed up because the one girl they want to be with does not want to be with them. It isn’t only men who are screwed up that way. Everyone is. That’s why the majority of men have the same issue; wanting the women who don’t want them, yet being pursued by the women they aren’t attracted to. No one likes to see desperation and, if you concentrate on just one woman, you tend to leave no doubt as to your feelings. And that feels DESPERATE. You probably think you are hiding it and that you are being so cool. Truthfully, you are not being cool at all. Your body language will give you away every time and she WILL know it, but she will not like it.

You may have got away with doing things this way once or even twice. It is entirely possible that you will get away with it again. However, for the most part, you are only sabotaging yourself by coming on too strong.

Getting back to my experiences, I did learn what I needed to do. I use the word, “next.” When I go hunting women, I keep in mind that there are plenty of fish in my particular sea and that a lot of them are looking, too. Therefore, I stay open to meeting ALL of them.

Anytime I meet a woman I like, she is going to know that I am interested. Now, what I need to get across to her is that I don’t NEED her, that I can get through my life happily without her. She needs to understand that I will have fun with or without her because I am just that cool. If she turns out to not be available, that’s fine because I am quite willing to move on to the next one. Basically, when you are dating, you need to be willing to date a lot of women. This is not dishonest behavior, either, unless you make it that way. Don’t hide the fact that you are dating many women. Actually, most women find you MORE attractive if they know you are dating several women at once. This works because women see that you are not desperate but rather successful and desirable.

Something else that this behavior brings about is the activation of that competitive gene everyone has. So you will have women competing for your attention simply because they know you have others on your arm and in your bed. On top of that, they also trust and respect you more, for some weird reason.

The way it seems to work is that since women assume that men will have sex with anything if they are given a chance, if you are open about your habits, you come off as the only HONEST man they have ever met. This is one reason that so many women are attracted to jerks. Now, the difference between the jerks and you is that you can be honest without being cruel or mean. Just have fun and she will ADORE you.

Also, consider that when you are dating so many women at once, you get to practice your skills. You had to practice when you first learned how to ride a bicycle, didn’t you? After a few crashes, you finally got pretty good at it. That is the same premise you are going to use when dating women. You are going to practice and, if you crash a few times, you are going to get right back on that bike and try again. Don’t let it scare you so much that you give up completely on approaching, meeting and dating women. Keep in mind that in the majority of cases, if a woman rejects you, it’s not an issue with you; it is HER.

Don’t forget that it takes a LOT practice to work out what your best approach is. It’s best not to have your objective set as getting the woman you want. Rather, view each approach as the opportunity to learn how to make yourself, attractive to women. When you do that, you will find that you don’t focus too strongly on any one woman. This will allow you to speed up your learning.

Thanks for choosing Secrets In Seduction as your number 1 resource to learning how to pick up women. To receive more tips on how to talk to a girl, how to seduce women and more sign up for my Secrets In Seduction newsletter bottom of this page

One of the areas where men tend to flail about helplessly is the phone. I am not talking about conversations with their mom or their buddies. I am talking about conversations with women. Men just seem to have trouble talking too women on the phone. But there are ways to speak to a woman on the phone without sounding like an idiot or boring her until she falls asleep. You just have to know the right and wrong way to do this. What is the point in getting the phone numbers of women you are interested in if you mess it all up on the phone? If you can improve your phone skills with women, you will see a definite increase in the number of dates you have in the future.

When a man gets a phone number from a woman, he has a tendency to take a certain approach with that first phone call. There are three main methods a man will use when speaking with a woman on the phone. The first way is by trying to make her fall in love with you right then and there. There are so many men in the world that believe if they approach a woman in the sweetest and sappiest ways, she will fall instantly in love. These men just try way too hard to get her attention. Women are not attracted to overeager, clingy men. A woman wants a man that is confident in himself and does not have to try so hard to please her. Do not get too mushy and lovey-dovey on the phone.  You do not even know her well enough to do that. While she may think your efforts are cute and endearing, it is only going to be in a friendly sort of way. More than likely, she will just end up feeling sorry for you because you try too hard to get her to like you. A woman believes if a man cannot like himself enough to be confident, then how is she supposed to like him.

Trying too hard can also involve trying to be funny. Women like a man with a sense of humor, but not one that has to constantly make jokes just to keep the conversation flowing. While she may laugh and smile at your jokes, she is only doing this out of pity. She knows that you are only behaving this way in some attempt to impress her. All you succeed in doing is looking like a fool. It is okay to crack a few jokes now and then, but you have to do it at the right times. Be classy in your approach, not needy. Women do not want a needy man. They have enough of their own needs that need to be met. There are plenty of men that might be lacking in the looks department that still have a beautiful woman on their arm. This is because they know how to handle themselves with just the right amount of confidence. They do not come across as needy and emotional. They do not throw out their back trying to impress women. They use humor only when it is suitable and only because they genuinely believe something is funny. Trust me; a woman knows when a man is putting on a show for her benefit.

Some women will take that first phone conversation and use it as a starting point for letting you know what she wants from a man. If she starts telling you exactly what you are looking for, do not validate her comments by telling her you are or are not like that. If she complains about the guy that cheated on her, do not tell her you would never do that, you are not that kind of guy, or you would never want to hurt you. First of all, you do not know this. No one knows what the future holds. Second of all, she is fishing for information that does not need to be revealed during the first phone conversation. This kind of talk should only come later, after a relationship is established and ground rules are being set. If you tell a woman how you fit her “dream guy” profile, you are not only setting yourself up for failure, you are giving her control. She will see that you are saying whatever it takes to put her mind at ease. She will know she has the upper hand. It is way too soon for her to have the upper hand. So, keep your brown-nosing to a minimum. The phone conversation is not a time for you to make her fall in love with you. It is a chance to have some simple, enjoyable conversation with someone you want to get to know. If she does bring up these kind of things, either change the subject or end the conversation. She needs to get the hint from the start that you are not here to live up to her standards, at least not yet.

On the same note, you do not need to start asking her what she wants from a guy. This will have the exact same effect as if she were listing out the qualities. Who cares what she wants in a man right now? You barely know her. If you start asking her this, she will know that you are trying to find ways to live up to her expectations. What if you cannot meet those expectations later? Again, you are setting yourself up for failure. She may even take the other road and just decide that you should only be friends. She does not want some man that is going to pretend to be everything she ever wanted. A “dream guy” is just that - a dream. She knows this and she knows that the chances of her finding someone who has every perfect quality she ever imagined are slim. So, if you are filling her ear full of b.s. about how you are the ideal man for her, she is going to know you are only blowing smoke. Instant friend status. I cannot stress enough that the conversation should be light and flirtatious, not “please, please love me” talk. Keep some of the control and maintain some of your dignity by just having a simple conversation where the two of you learn some of the basics about each other.

Another way that men handle phone conversations is with too much aggressiveness and possessiveness. If a woman gave you her phone number, it is only a number. It is not a wedding ring and you have no right to treat it like it is a commitment. Too many men think that a phone number or even sex means a relationship is formed. This is completely wrong. You and the woman will decide together when to take things to a deeper level. So do not get all possessive with her. Do not question her about where she was when you tried to call. Do not ask whose voice you hear in the background. She is a human being and she does not belong to you or anyone else. She is free to do what she wants when she wants to do it. If you come across as being jealous and possessive just after a short time, she is going to bolt. You should not be surprised if the next time you call, the number has been disconnected.

The final way that men tend to handle phone conversations is by acting too distant. They might exchange numbers with a beautiful woman and then wait for her to call. That is not going to happen. A woman wants to be pursued and if a man does not pursue her, she will find another one that will. Men like this tend to get on the phone with a woman and just act completely uninterested in her. They will not ask her questions or just chat with her. They will wait for the woman to lead the conversation. All this succeeds in doing is showing the woman that you have no interest. It is okay to not appear too eager. You can wait a day or two before calling her up. But you have to take the first step. Once you have her on the line, you have to show some interest or you will just push her away. There Is a balance between being too eager and being too aloof. You have to find the right balance and keep her interested in having even more conversations with you.

Basically, you have to give her a little and take it back. You have to keep her interested in you enough to want to talk to you, but not so much that she starts blowing up your phone. You have to reel her in carefully and slowly. Sometimes, you have to give her space and keep your distance. But you cannot just sit around and wait for her to pursue you. You have to make her pursue you by being just intriguing enough that she cannot stop thinking about you. You have to make yourself appear to be interested just a little bit so that she will start to try harder to make you more attracted to her. She needs to put forth just as much effort as you do in making things happen. If you do all of the calling and all of the trying and all of the pleasing, she will expect that to be the way it is forever. And you cannot possibly continue that sort of charade for a lifetime.

When it comes to phone conversations when the relationship is still casual, it is vital that you keep it that way. You can invite her out, of course, but do it in a way that does not come out to be a date. Maybe suggest meeting up for lunch since you both have to eat. Then, when you do show up for lunch, bring a friend with you. Not another female, of course, but a buddy. Just make sure you take a friend that the woman will have no interest in. By showing up with a friend, you are making it clear that you enjoy being with her, but that things are still casual. Again, this is going to keep her curious about you. She will not even be aware that you are pursuing her while getting her to pursue you. All she will know is she is becoming more and more interested in you and she will keep on trying to get closer. Keep her at arm’s length until the time is right to bring her closer.